Drunken Thoughts - Tree Hugging

Katie Holmes' father has prepared a very nice pre-nuptial agreement for his daughter. If her marriage to lunatic Scientologist, Tom Cruise should fail, Katie will receive $4 million a year.

In response, Cruise's lawyers have drafted a pre-nup of their own. In the event of a divorce:

a) Holmes will be taken to "L.Ron Cupboard". This is essentially the basement in the east wing of the Scientology compound. The dark basement has been given a certain charm by this cute nickname - popularized by the religious nursery rhyme:
Old L.Ron Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch his poor dog a bone. But when he got there, the cupboard was full of dead bodies, and so the poor dog destroyed all the evidence.

b) In line with the traditions of the sacred religion, she must never refer to "Dianetics" as Science Fiction. If she does so, she will forfeit the divorce settlement. Dianetics is to be referred to as the Bible or "that book with the creepy aliens that take over human bodies."

c) She may not describe any of Mr Cruise's bizarre sexual habits. This includes, but is not limited to, all the guys.

Ben Rothlisberger - er, Roethelisbur - er, Roth - oh, forget it. Not like he's going to be able to spell it after crashing his motorcycle and letting his brains fall out of his head. The Steelers quarterback spent all day Monday in surgery. They sewed him up, aligned his jaw and shoved his pea brain back into his helmut-less skull.
Listen, I'm a Steelers fan and all I can say is "You'd better be ready to play in September, Ben." You made the choice to ride the bike, so you better pony up and get your ass out on that field.

Following the loss in Game Five of the NBA Finals Sunday night, Dirk Nowitski punted the ball into the crowd. It was a good kick. Maybe he's just playing the wrong sport?

Actress Daryl Hannah was arrested for "Tree Hugging While Being Old Enough To Know Better". She climbed a tree and refused to come down. Joan Baez was there too, but - you know, who really cares about Joan Baez. After they were plucked out of the tree by a crane and removed from the private property, they cried and yelled at anyone who'd listen. Most spectators described the yelling as eerily similar to the sound the grown ups make in the old Charlie Brown cartoons. But, "damn, did she have a nice rack for a 60 year old."

I've been playing Hitman: Blood Money on the Xbox 360. It's great. But lately I've had a yearning to walk up to complete strangers, bonk them on the head and steal their clothes.

Random Thought: In the movie "Back to the Future" Marty McFly ate food while he was stuck in the 1960s. When he returned to the present, why didn't the undigested food spoil?