Worst Commercial Ever

A vending machine playing football? Brilliant!

My gag-reflex kicks in every time the TV networks broadcast that damned diet cola commercial. I won't mention the name of the product for fear that it might increase sales. You know the commercial. "The Patriots select Diet (blah blah) machine." Then we are treated to the fresh comedy of a vending machine playing football.

Not only does it break every rule of comedy, but its more dumbed-down than Dan Rather without a tele-prompter.

Evidence:

1. Major football star has to tell us "Come on. A vending machine? I thought the coach went nuts." Just in case we're so drunk, stoned or stupid that we can't tell what a vending machine is. Thanks Shaun!

2. Sideline reporter says "First the Fridge, then the Bus, and now ...(dramatic pause) the MACHINE." Because you retards couldn't figure out that nickname on your own.

3. In case the audience isn't peeing themselves with laughter, the geniuses behind this TV ad threw in another comedy nugget. Enjoy!
Two players standing on the sideline after the Machine catches a touchdown pass.
Football Player #1 - "That machine's got hands."
Football Player #2 - "What hands?"
What hands? Freaking hilarious. "What hands?" is added since we tend to forget that most vending machines have no limbs.

4. The humor in this commercial hinges on the wackiness of a vending machine playing football. Help me out here - I've been working on a joke for weeks and I can't tell if its funny. Please give me your honest opinion:

"A vending machine walks into a bar. The bartender says 'Howdy vending machine, what do you do for a living?' The vending machine replies 'I play football.'"

So... Does the joke work? No? Hmm.

QUESTION:
Then why did the ad execs shell out millions of dollars to ram this commercial down our throats?

ANSWER:
Because the commercial IS funny. In fact, it's the funniest thing on television. The problem is me. I've lost my sense of humor and I just don't know real comedy gold when I see it. People MUST find this commercial hilarious or the networks wouldn't be saturating the airwaves with it every day.

I'm sorry to take up so much of your time. I am merely a humorless monkey that obviously doesn't fall into their target demographic. Carry on.